Weight – I know no-one who is happy with theirs, neither man nor woman. Everyone wants to be slimmer, more toned, more muscly, more defined and less, well, in my case at least, let’s pull no punches – lardy. I have a lust-revenge relationship with food, I love the different flavours and textures and, when PMT strikes, let’s face it, nothing is as successful at keeping the inner she-demon at bay, yet it plots its revenge, holding out until such a time that it can solidify as fat and cling on like a limpet wherever it finds a temporary home.
I wonder if, in history, women (and men) have ever felt so besieged by the portrayal of the body beautiful as they do now, whether they regularly looked inwards and found themselves wanting. Lately, having put on a stone in a month due to illness and to various drug side effects, I find myself wanting, although it’s less of a quest for the body beautiful which will cause Mr D to fall to his knees, wondering how he could have been so lucky as to marry such a goddess, and more in a quest for the nearest item which can provide a sugar rush. I obsess about food, reflecting on what I have eaten, what I should have eaten, what I could have eaten, what’s for dinner ad nauseum and to what end? The amount of head space that food takes up is truly frightening, and yet once I am stuck in this cycle, it becomes harder and harder to break the cycle and reach a place where food is little more than nourishment and no longer a source of obsession.
I’ve trid all of the well known diets, sorry “healthy eating plans”: Weightwatchers, Slimming World, Rosemary Conley, Slimfast, Atkins and generic local groups and yet, despite the statistics which show that over 90% of those who diet regain any weight they lose and and more, I always manage to convince myself that THIS TIME will be the time that I’m successful. I think, if I were to consider myself a follower of any of them, it would be Weightwatchers, following their plan has resulted in a 4.5 stone loss over the past 3 years, accident not withstanding, however still I fall off the WW wagon regularly, watching my good intentions and motivation disappear into the sunset, while I launch myself at the nearest pack of biscuits/bar of chocolate/ bag of crisps (*delete as appropriate.)
So, today once more, I’ve hefted myself back on to the weight loss wagon, dusted myself down, berated myself with how much weight I could have lost, had I stuck to the plan and am striving to stay on track for however long my willpower lasts this time round. Wish me luck!