I was taking photos today of a lovely little coffee shop today, sat in the loaned shopmobility scooter, walking stick attached and with one of those lightbulb moments of clarity which you get from time to time, I realised that’s how I feel, like I’m on the outside looking in.
Since the accident I’ve felt like I’m no longer a part of society, I’m at the periphary looking on wistfully instead of being at the centre of things, being an educator, a job that I’ve always loved.
it was rammed home to me later on when, trying to find some gloves to buy as my hands were cold, I politely asked someone to move. Louder than they’d intended, I’m sure and with a pitying look, the lady said to her daughter (I presume) “Oh look. Such a shame” and I felt like weeping.
I’m sure that the lady hadn’t meant for me to overhear, nor did she mean it in a insulting or belittling fashion, I have no doubt whatsoever that she meant no harm, but after over a year of trials, set backs and frustratingly slow progress, on a day when I had felt overjoyed and empowered, opimistic even, that one comment was enough to leave me feeling isolated again.
Instead of ending the trip buoyant and full of enthusiasm, I felt deflated.