Please learn from my rookie errors and, should you ever find yourself to be a passenger in a wheelchair, keep these tips to hand.
1. Do not allow your husband’s friend to push your wheelchair, the temptation to run with the wheelchair on smooth surfaces is overwhelming, and you will find yourself hurtling towards glass doors while they stand there giggling until they lose control of their bladder.
2. Avoid hills when being pushed by the husband. He will find it incredibly difficult to resist letting go of the wheelchair, whilst gleefully watching, as you hurtle towards your inevitable doom.
3. Avoid steps unless you have an inbuilt seat belt. If not, the husband WILL come across a step that you deem to be too big and, in an effort to prove you wrong, will persist in trying to get you up the step and which, inevitably will lead to you being pitched out of the wheelchair.
4. Test the brakes before use. Hurtling down a steep slope with your husband shouting that the brakes don’t work, as he futilely presses the brakes and the wheelchair careers out of control does little for lowering your blood pressure.
5. Many shops are not wheelchair friendly, so, make sure that you stay alert and prepare for sudden stops, as your husband may forget that you can’t squeeze through a miniscule space and, fired up with testosterone as if he was driving a Ferrari, may drive you into display cabinets without your intervention.