Yesterday heralded a most unexpected turn of events. I had an appointment scheduled with the consultant rheumatologist, I knew that the ultrasound of my shoulders and knees showed no inflammation and I thoroughly expected to be discharged from the department and told never to darken their door again with my myriad of symptoms.
Instead I was informed that my ESR (inflammation level in the blood) CP/CRP I can’t remember which, level was 5 over the highest point of the normal levels and that I have an inflammatory marker in my blood that 5% of the population have, of which 70% develop arthritis. The consultant ummed and aahed for a while before deciding to try me with a steroid injection to ascertain how many of the symptoms are caused by the inflammation and what the correlation between the inflammation and pain is.
Last night I did not sleep well, although this was not due to pain. For the first time since the accident, my mind was racing but not with increasingly dire predictions, gloomy forecasts of an uncertain future, but instead with possibilities and opportunities. Today I am scared as this offers real hope for a solution, for an accurate diagnosis and treatment and with that comes the possibility that my life could return to a near pre accident state. I’ve not hoped for quite some time now, I’ve been mostly resigned to this being my lot and trying, instead of weeping and wailing about how unfair life is, to get on with things and to present a cheery face to the world. Now there is more than a mere glimmer of hope, and the temptation is to grasp hold of it and not let go, but I’m scared that path will lead to more tears and disappointment.